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It is difficult to know what to say to a child with questions about the shootings in Connecticut and the random acts of violence that occurred in Milwaukee this summer and fall.  How do we help them understand and ensure they feel safe and comforted?  How much information should we share with them?  How do we even start the conversation?

Milwaukee Public Library librarians have compiled a list of book and web resources to help guide adults, children and families through this challenging time.  You can find helpful ideas for starting a conversation with a child and restoring a sense of comfort and normalcy in his or her life.

 
Books for Children
Michael Rosen’s Sad Book by Michael Rosen.
A man tells about all the emotions that accompany his sadness over the death of his son, and how he tries to cope.
Where Do People Go When They Die? by Mindy Avra Portnoy.
Children ask different adults and themselves about death and receive a wide variety of answers. Includes an afterword and suggestions for parents.
What is Goodbye? by Nikki Grimes.
Alternating poems by a brother and sister convey their feelings about the death of their older brother and the impact it had on their family.
I Found a Dead Bird: The Kid’s Guide to the Cycle of Life & Death by Jan Thornhill.
I found a dead bird. It made me sad...but I also had a lot of questions, like why did it have to die? How did it die? What would happen to it now that it was dead? This is Jan Thornhill's jumping-off point for an intelligent, sensitive, and wide-ranging look at death and the cycle of life for young readers.
What’s Heaven? by Maria Shriver.
After her great-grandmother's death, a young girl learns about heaven by asking her mother all kinds of questions.
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Krasny Brown.
Explains in simple language the feelings people may have regarding the death of a loved one and the ways to honor the memory of someone who has died.
Lost & Found: A Kid’s Book for Living Through Loss
by Marc Gellman and Thomas Hartman.
Describes different kinds of losses--losing possessions, competitions, health, trust, and the permanent loss because of death--and discusses how to handle these situations.
I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas.
When a close friend or family member dies, it can be difficult for children to express their feelings. This book helps boys and girls understand that death is a natural complement to life, and that grief and a sense of loss are normal feelings for them to have following a loved one's death.
Part of Me Died, Too: Stories of Creative Survival among Bereaved Children and Teenagers by Virginia Fry.
Death may be a part of life, but it is a hard part. This important and moving book tells 11 true stories about young people, toddlers to teenagers, who have experienced the loss of family members or friends.
I Had a Friend Named Peter: Talking to Children about the Death of a Friend by Janice Cohn.
When Betsy learns about the death of a friend, her parents and kindergarten teacher answer questions about dying, funerals, and the burial process.
What We Do When Someone Dies by Caroline Arnold.
Explains different customs of dealing with death and remembering the dead, such as funerals, burials, cremation, mourning, wills, and memorials.
Books for Adults
Guiding Your Child Through Grief
by Mary Ann Emswiler & James P. Emswiler.
By the founders of the New England Center for Loss & Transition and The Cove (a highly praised program for grieving children), this title offers help  for adults to begin to feel less helpless as they struggle to help their children through grief.
Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings
by Kenneth R. Ginsburg.
Families, schools, and communities can prepare children and teens to thrive through challenging times. Building Resilience in Children and Teens offers strategies to help kids from 18 months to 18 years build seven crucial “Cs” — competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control.

Reclaiming Childhood: Freedom and Play in an Age of Fear
by Helene Guldberg.
Allowing children to play, experiment and simply be without adults hovering over them, gives children the opportunity to develop the resilience that characterizes an empowered adulthood. The author suggests ways we can work to improve children’s experiences, as well as those of parents, teachers and other adults, simply by stepping back from panic and doom-mongering, even in times of awful turmoil.

When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses
by John W. James.
Authors affiliated with The Grief Recovery Institute provide information on engendering healthy responses to grief and trauma for children working their way through loss.

Good Kids, Tough Choices: How Parents Can Help Their Children Do the Right Thing by Rushworth M. Kidder.
Encourages parents to intervene early in guiding their children on the road to ethical behavior; like  honesty, responsibility, respect, fairness, and compassion. All of the author’s pragmatic advice is based on the latest psychological and research in neuroscience about how kids develop character, and how much is not innate but can be nurtured.  

Creating a Healing Society: The Impact of Human Emotional Pain and Trauma on Society and the World by Susan Lawrence.
Dr. Susan Lawrence's Creating a Healing Society program pioneers the recognition of the devastating impact of human emotional pain and trauma as the root cause of societal and world problems. Without healthy support, traumatized people (unconsciously influenced by inner pain) engage in self-destructive or antisocial behaviors that can have a dramatic effect on society, as expressed in violence, crime and addiction. Lives can be changed and society made better, and the author gives examples to prove that.

Keys To Parenting Your Anxious Child by Katharina Manassis.
A child psychiatrist demonstrates ways families can mitigate childhood anxiety in homes and schools.

Creature Comforts: People and Their Security Objects
by Barbara Collopy O'Halloran.
Documents the extraordinary security some people find in objects. Poignantly depicts the need people have for security, and the ways some have found to hold onto it in times of crises.

Growing Up Brave: Expert Strategies for Helping Your Child Overcome Fear, Stress, and Anxiety by Donna B. Pincus.
Cognitive behavior therapy employed step by step in minutes each day reduce your child’s fear and anxiety in an increasingly complex world.  Stress-busting skills empower children to navigate their world.   

The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes -- And Why by Amanda Ripley.
Terrifying risks, sudden disasters, extreme fears- humanity has always been subject to these. The author explores the three stages of reaction to calamity: disbelief, deliberation and action. She provides insight into the psychology and physiology of panic, heroism, and trauma, uncovering surprising facts and useful information on how training and education can help lead humanity out of the darkness.

How to Raise a Child With a High EQ: A Parent's Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Lawrence E. Shapiro.
Emotional intelligence -- the social and emotional skills that make up what we call character -- is more important to your child's success in life  than IQ, and unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be increased. Games and other techniques help parents instill coping skills in their children to help them deal with the stress of modern society.

Web Resources
When terrible things happen: Helping children heal
The author offers age specific advice when tragedies occur. This article is broken down by the different ages of the children from 0 -12 and their stages of development and how they react in different ways to tragedies.
How to talk to your kids about the shootings
To guide parents through difficult discussions about school violence, the National Mental Health Association offers suggestions.
Going back to school after a Tragedy
After a school shooting, some kids might be hesitant about going back to school. Here are some tips for helping kids worried about going back.
American Psycological Association
Talking to your children about the recent spate of school shootings.
 
 
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